Love is a Battlefield
by Jenna822
Summary: *Short Story* Bunnies, werewolves and Padfoot - oh my! Jealousy runs wild in this battle for the affection of one, Remus Lupin. Can Sirius handle the choice - Love or Nothing? *Remus/FemaleOC and Remus/Sirius* Cᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ.
1. Better Go and Get Your Armor

**Chapter 1: Better Go and Get Your Armor**

**.**

The Marauders were all sitting around the fire in the Gryffindor common room, warming themselves and enjoying the evening in their own ways. James Potter and Sirius Black were busy recanting the details of their latest prank to a group of three giggling girls; all hanging on to the boy's words as though they were a vital lifeline. Peter rested himself in the floor, just to the side of the other boys, listening with eager ears as though he hadn't been involved in the prank himself. To be honest, he was only half listening; the main of his attention focused on the girl just a bit in front of him.

Remus sat across another couch, his feet kicked up and his History of Magic book open in his lap. The boy was desperately trying to ignore the talk of the stunt. His hand reached up and mindlessly fingered at his Prefect badge; a soft frown gracing his face as he thought himself a failure to the position once again.

"Better not scowl like that, Moony, you'll scare her off," James whispered as he reached over and nudged Remus on the leg.

"Scare who off?" Remus asked, not even bothering to look up from his assignment.

"Alice Wood," James answered. "Are you completely blind?" He reached out and snatched the other boy's book, earning himself a deadly glare. He pointed off behind Remus in the direction of the girl he was referring to.

Remus heaved a sigh and twisted himself around to see Alice. The girl was staring straight at him, not even bothering to turn away once she was caught. Alice Wood was a tall girl, just an inch shy of the very tall Remus; she was chubby in the face, but less so in her body. Her dirty blonde hair hung in soft curls around her shoulders and her light blue eyes were topped with the longest eyelashes one could imagine.

Remus turned away from the girl and focused his attention back on James. "Why is she staring at me like that?"

"Because she likes you. Dang, Moony, aren't you supposed to be smart?"

Sirius scoffed loudly and pulled Remus' text book out of James' hands. He shoved the young werewolf's feet off into the floor and dropped heavily onto the couch next to him; letting his arm drape around Remus' shoulders. "Remus _is_ smart," he argued as he placed the book back into the other boy's lap. "He just doesn't like little bunnies like Alice."

_Bunny_. That was a term Sirius came up with at the start of the Marauders fifth year. It was used to describe girls who were fluffy and sweet. A bunny was the type of girl who twirled her hair around her finger and giggled at things which had no humor value. The kinds of girls who were all talk and flirts until it came time to be alone. Bunnies were innocent and planned to stay that way.

Remus half smirked and started to open his mouth in response, however he was quickly silenced when James called out, "Hey, Alice!"

Sirius' arm slid off of Remus' shoulders and the boy scooted over onto a cushion of his own, leaving a chill at Remus' side from the loss of the other boy's body heat. Both boys looked up in the direction James was focused and gave small smiles to the approaching girl.

"Hey, Remus." Alice's tone was calm and smooth, a bit airy and rehearsed sounding. She reached one hand up and twisted her fingers around in the tips of her hair as she shifted her weight between feet.

"Er...hey, Alice." Remus flashed the girl a toothy, uncomfortable smile.

Alice stared down at the boy a moment, licking her lips and considering her words. After a moment, she blurted out, "Do you have a date to Hogsmeade Saturday?"

Remus was stunned into a long silence. Friday was Valentine's Day and all the students were planning to celebrate the holiday the day after with their Hogsmeade trip. Honestly, Remus wasn't the mushy love type. He never cared for the holiday and never put a moment's thought into it. "No, I don't," he finally answered. Inside, he hoped that her inquiry was for general knowledge or perhaps some sort of poll around the students.

"So, I was thinking," Alice began, taking a small step towards the seated boy and batting her eyelashes, "that you might like to take me...as your date."

Remus nodded. Why was he nodding? He had no idea why he was nodding and more so, no idea how to make it stop. His fingers curled around the edge of his book and he could feel his hands breaking out into a sweat. "Sure." He couldn't believe the word had come from his mouth.

"Great!" Alice chimed. "I'll see you later then." With that, she gave the boys a small wave and hurried back over to a group of waiting girls who were all wearing eager faces.

"You cannot go to Hogsmeade with Alice," Sirius all but growled the moment the girl was out of earshot. "She's...she's only a fifth year. You're a sixth, it just isn't right."

Peter chose this moment to join the conversation. "So, that's only _one_ year difference and you go out with younger girls all the time." The deadly glare he received from Sirius was enough to make him not only wish he had stayed quiet, but change his tune completely. "You can't date Alice, if you mess things up, David would tear you apart," he offered, much to Sirius' delight.

David Wood was Alice's older brother. The boy was a seventh year and the Gryffindor Quidditch team's best beater. Not to mention, the guy was huge.

Remus pursed his lips in annoyance and narrowed his eyes at Peter. "It's just one date. She'll go, she'll be bored, she'll change her mind and move on. Then it won't matter." He stood up and clutched his book to his chest. "I'm going to bed," he muttered, ignoring the pleas of return from his friends as he headed upstairs.

* * *

As far as Remus was concerned, Saturday came far too quickly. Despite his insistence that he didn't want the date, it didn't stop the boy from spending over an hour in choosing what to wear and trying to tame his unruly tawny hair. Before Remus felt he had properly prepared, he found himself walking side-by-side with Alice on the road to Hogsmeade.

After an hour had passed, things were already easier. Alice did most of the talking and Remus realized they had quite a bit in common. They shared the same taste for books, music, even favored the same classes. Remus didn't mind that the girl constantly fingered the tips of her hair and in return, Alice didn't mind that Remus felt the need to compulsively arrange his food on his plate before eating it. By the end of the date, Remus had to admit, he liked Alice Wood.

The two walked back to Hogwarts, hand in hand. They were silent, but it wasn't an awkward silence; it was more of a _nothing needs to be said _silence. By the time they reached the school it was dinner time. Alice scampered off with her best mate, Delilah, but promised to meet up with Remus later on.

Remus was the last of the Marauders to settle into his spot, next to Peter, at the dinner table. He had barely hit the bench before the interrogation started.

"How'd it go?"

"Was it awful?"

"Did you kiss her?"

"Peter, don't ask that."

"I just want to know."

"So do I! Did you snog her?"

"Did she make you listen to her feelings?"

"I bet she never shut up."

"Did you kiss her?"

"It was awful, wasn't it?"

Remus put up his hands and waved them around frantically to stop the barrage of questions. "No! I didn't kiss her and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you nosy sods. It...well it actually went well. Alice is – Don't make that face at me, Padfoot."

"Sorry, but unless you were gonna say Alice is sickeningly sweet and you ditched her for a different girl, then I'm gonna make this face." Sirius pointed up to his scowling expression and added a mock retch to elaborate his point.

Remus rolled his eyes and turned his focus onto James and Peter. "I was going to say that Alice is really great. She's funny and she's actually kinda smart. She even likes the – Sirius, damn it!" He narrowed his eyes at the boy across the table, who was now holding his throat and pretending to choke.

Sirius barked out a laugh that drew the attention of everyone around him. He shook his head at Remus and leaned against the table, letting out a pathetic and dramatic sigh. "My best mate is falling for a bunny. I can't believe it. I just can't."

"There's nothing wrong with Alice. She might be a _bunny_, but she's a smart, funny one." Remus looked down at his plate and began jabbing his fork into his roast potatoes with way more force than necessary.

Sirius scoffed and leaned further across the table. "The only thing that wants to shag a bunny is another bunny. You," he pointed his fork at Remus, "are no bunny."

"No one said anything about shagging," Remus growled. "We had one date, Padfoot. One. Now stop being such a bastard."

"Language, Mister Prefect, language." Sirius barked another laugh and returned his eyes to his food.

Remus merely rolled his eyes in response and insisted on changing the subject. James was more than happy to oblige and spent the rest of the dinner recanting the details of his date with Mary McDonald.

* * *

A soft knock came at the door of the sixth year boys' room just as the inhabitants were getting ready for bed. Sirius was the one to answer. "Hop to, Mister Lupin, Alice is at the door for you," he said with a smirk as he moved back over towards his bed.

Remus gave a sarcastic laugh to the other boy and stepped outside of the room to talk to Alice in private. He was sure to pull the door closed behind him.

"I had a lot of fun today," Alice began, her fingers twisting around the hem of her night shirt.

"So did I," Remus answered, resisting the initial urge to add _surprisingly_ to the end of his sentence.

"I was wondering...if you might like to have more fun days. As...my boyfriend?" Alice blushed faintly and dropped her eyes to the floor; the toe of her slippers dragged across the carpet.

"I'd like that." Remus once again restrained himself from expressing his surprise.

Alice looked up, beaming, and leaned forward, giving the boy a quick kiss on his cheek. "Good night," she whispered as she pulled away.

Remus reached out and stopped the girl from dashing away, then gave her a soft, quick kiss on her lips. "Good night," he said back with a sneaky smile before heading into the room and closing the door. He was instantly met with three sets of eager eyes. "Nosies!" he scolded.

Remus laughed at the grumbling boys and pulled back the covers on his bed. He climbed up onto it and tugged closed the curtains on the side that faced Peter's bed and the end. He left open the curtains on the side of the bed facing Sirius'. The other boy did the same with his curtains; it was something they started years earlier, when Remus' nightmares had gone from simple whining to needing intervention.

Sirius sighed loudly as he climbed under his covers and punched at his pillow. "Look, I'm sure Alice is...nice. If you _really_ like her then," another dramatic and pained sigh, "I'll be nice to her."

"I do like her," Remus answered, curtly.

"I was hoping you'd see that for the empty gesture it was." Sirius laughed at his own joke, earning him shushing sounds from Peter and James. It was the look he received from Remus, however, that stopped the sound completely. "Alright," he grumbled, throwing himself down onto his pillow. "I'll try to be nice."

The lights went out on the Marauders and the boys settled themselves down. After a moment, a small light appeared near Sirius, illuminating his face. The boy was holding his wand up. "Goodnight, Moony," he said with a smile.

"Goodnight, Padfoot."

"Nox."

* * *

**A Note From the Author: If this fic looks familiar, that is because it is a re-written/enhanced version of what has already been on this site. The story is generally the same (a few changes) only I've improved the writing that was less than acceptable before. Please feel free to leave a review. Thanks. :D -Jenna**


	2. One Minute it's Love

**Chapter 2: One Minutes it's Love**

**.**

Remus was sitting on his favorite couch in the common room, reading one of his personal books, despite the fact he should have been reading the Potion's assignment. Alice and Delilah strolled over and dropped onto the space beside him. They had made a habit of filling those two places over the past few weeks, much to Peter's delight as he become transfixed on the best mate of his best mate's girlfriend. Everything about the girl made him go weak kneed, from her silky black hair to her expensive polished shoes.

Sirius and James went on about their conversation, unaware they had lost the attention of their fellow Marauder. They were discussing whether or not the House Elves would stop them if they attempted to slip potion into the drinks at the Staff table.

"They won't, but I will," Remus said casually as he leaned over and pressed his lips to Alice's cheek.

"I love it when you get like that. Such power in the badge," Alice said softly as she reached up and ran her fingers over the boy's Prefect badge. She lowered her hand to Remus' knee and gave it a squeeze, making him jump slightly.

Sirius barked out a laugh and clapped his hands mockingly. "Yeah, it's super sexy when Remus acts like there is anything he can do to stop us."

Remus closed his book and tossed it down onto the table. "I _can_ do something and I will. I'm _not_ letting you guys prank the staff," he retorted. He reached over and laid his hand atop Alice's, forcing her to stop tickling his knee.

James and Peter both groaned at the defiance and assumed defeated positions. Sirius, however, was full of new-found excitement. "Hey, he just said that we can't prank the staff. He didn't say _anything_ about not pranking those slimy Slytherin jerks."

Remus rubbed his hands over his face and muttered a profanity under his breath. "Sirius, can't you guys just cut it out with all the pranks?" he asked as he let his hands slap down into his lap. "You're all too -" He didn't bother finishing; the look on Sirius' face was enough to tell him he was wasting his breath. He turned his attention to James, hoping to get one of them to see reason. "You know, you're about to be seventeen, don't you think it's time you started acting like it?"

James smirked and slowly shook his head.

The exasperated Prefect scoffed loudly and batted Alice's hand from his knee, as she had resumed her unintentional tickling by running her fingertips over it.

"When's your birthday?" Delilah asked, leaning towards James and staring at him with her large brown eyes.

Peter sprang to answer. "It's in three weeks. We're having a party in a few days though." He eyes were fixed hard on Delilah and his hands were twitching.

"We're having a _private_ party!"Sirius growled, reaching forward and smacking the other boy on the back of the head. "Did you suddenly forget what private meant?"

Peter ran his fingers through his hair to fix what Sirius had mussed and shot the boy and angry glare. "I didn't think it was private from them. I mean if Alice is going then Delilah should be allowed too." He smiled up at the girls and winked at the dark haired one, causing her eyes to widen further.

"I'm going?" Alice asked, clearly confused. "You didn't mention a party," she directed at Remus.

"I didn't think about it, really. We planned it way back in January," Remus answered, rubbing the back of his neck and batting Alice's hand away yet again.

"Of course you're going. Both of you can go," James cut in. "It isn't just my party after all."

The guys had decided to hold a joint party for James and Remus as their birthdays were so close. They would have chosen to separate them, like usual, but this year Remus' birthday fell directly on the full moon and he wouldn't feel like partying anytime after that.

"Oh, who else is the party for?" Alice asked innocently.

Sirius leaned forward and stared at the blonde girl in shock. "Are you serious?"

"No, you are," Alice answered with a giggle.

The boy gave a loud and sarcastic laugh and narrowed his eyes at Alice. When Remus scowled at him, Sirius shot the young werewolf a wink and smirked. "Come on, she's _your_ girlfriend and she doesn't know when your birthday is."

Alice's eyes sparkled in delight as she let out a tiny squeal and clapped her hands together. "Oh, Remus, when is it? Why didn't you tell me?"

Remus winced at Alice's excitement and gave her a fake smile. "It's next week, but I don't like to make a big deal out of it. It isn't really...my thing."

"Nonsense," Alice argued, trailing her fingers back over the boy's knee. "I wanna do something really special for you."

Remus shook his head and opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, Sirius beat him to it. The other boy jumped up from his seat and rolled his eyes. "I'm gonna be sick," he growled as he moved away from the group and bounded up the stairs to the bedrooms.

Peter made to follow him, but James grabbed his arm. "Leave him," James insisted and Peter obliged, sinking back in his chair.

"You know," Remus said as he reached out and grabbed onto his book. "I'm not feeling so well myself. I'm gonna go for a walk." He stood up, ignoring Alice's attempt for a kiss and headed out of the common room into the hallways.

* * *

What was supposed to be a quiet, small gathering of close friends, ended up becoming a huge party. Every Gryffindor who had so much as looked at a Marauder in the last six years turned up; as well as students from other houses and ones they didn't even know. The music was loud and someone had convinced a few House Elves to deliver enough food to serve a crowd twice that size. The common room was cramped and sticky and had a rather foul odor forming from the sweating bodies.

Sirius made his way through a tight group of people and tugged on Remus' shirt sleeve as he stepped up beside him. "You don't look very happy," he said right into the boy's ear in an effort to be heard. "Don't you like the party? It's your _girlfriend's_ doing."

Remus caught the way Sirius sneered the word _girlfriend_ and dropped his eyes to the floor. "I didn't know she was doing this until it was too late." He felt a hand sweep through his hand and looked up, expecting that Alice had joined them. Instead, he saw Sirius smirking and tucking his hands down into his pockets. He gave the boy a quizzical look, causing Sirius to laugh loud enough to clear a small space around them.

"Don't look so down, Moony. This party is half yours. You should be having fun." Sirius' huge smile faded the moment Alice came skipping up to them.

"I agree," Alice chimed in, having heard Sirius. She threw her arms around Remus' neck and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Remus smiled and returned the affection with a kiss on the lips.

"I'm gonna go," Sirius said, suddenly. "Eleanor has been making eyes at me all night and I may just go make her week," he added, shooting Remus a playful wink.

After Sirius took his leave, Alice bounced over in front of Remus and pouted up at him. "You aren't happy?"

"I am." Remus pulled the girl's arms from around his neck and held onto her hands. "It's just so loud and hot down here," he answered with a frown.

Alice flashed the boy a sneaky smile and squeezed his hand. "Let's go upstairs then." Without waiting for Remus' answer, she led the boy up the stairs and into his room.

Remus followed along behind his girlfriend in silence, glancing back down the stairs just in time to see Sirius disappearing out of the portrait hole with Eleanor. Alice stopped at the doorway and looked around at all of the beds. She started towards the one with the neatest nightstand, but Remus tugged her hand and led towards one of the messier areas. He sat down on the edge of his bed and pulled the girl down beside him.

Alice put her hand on the side of the boy's face and pulled him into a slow kiss. Though he was hesitant at first, Remus wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer, intensifying their kiss. She looped her arms around his neck and made a quiet whimpering sound against the boy's lips. Remus reacted by pushing against her and laying her out on the bed, then brushing his fingertips just under the girl's sweater.

Alice giggled and grabbed Remus' hand. "Remus, don't," she whispered as she pushed him to sit back up right on the bed.

"Sorry," Remus muttered, putting his hands in front of him and leaning forward. "I wasn't trying to do -"

"I know," Alice cut in quickly. "You're a nice guy." She wrapped her arms around one of his and laid her head over on the boy's shoulder. "I know you wouldn't try to push me into sex or anything."

Remus raised his eyebrows and gave her a confused grin.

"Remus, are you a virgin?" Alice asked bluntly.

"Why do you ask?" He pulled his arm out of her grip and narrowed his eyes.

"I just wanna know. I won't think any differently of you, either way." She tucked a piece of blonde hair behind her ear and smiled. "I'm a virgin. I don't mind telling you that."

"No."

"_No_ you aren't going to tell me or _no_ you're not a virgin?"

"I'm not a virgin."

"Oh."

The long silence which ensued made Remus wring his hands together and bounce his knees in annoyance. When it was finally too much for him to take, he turned to Alice and snapped. "You shouldn't have asked if you couldn't handle the answer."

"I can handle it!" Alice argued, shocked at the boy's tone. "I'm just surprised is all."

"You're surprised that someone would sleep with me?" Remus couldn't help but feel offended.

Alice rolled her eyes and hugged her arms around the boy's waist. "I'm surprised that you'd have sex with someone you don't love," she answered. "Can...can I ask who it was?"

"You can ask, but I won't tell you," Remus said coldly, pulling out of the girl's hold. He stood up and started off towards the door.

Alice dove off the bed and grabbed onto Remus' hand, pulling him to a stop. "Wait! Don't be mad. I'm sorry I brought it up. Just...I wanted to tell you something."

Remus sighed and stared down into the girl's eyes. "What?"

"I love you."

At that moment, the door came bursting open and a laughing James and Peter spilled into the room. "Oh," James cried out. "I'm sorry, we're interrupting. Pete, we're interrupting, come on. Sorry!"

"No," Remus answered. "Alice was just leaving."

* * *

**A Note From the Author: Harsh. LOL So, to answer any unspoken question "No, Remus did not have sex with Sirius." It doesn't really matter who it was. It was female and she won't be involved in the story. Leave me some thoughts, yes? :D –Jenna**


	3. One Word Turns into a War

**Chapter 3: One Word Turns into a War**

**.**

It was the morning before the first full moon of the cycle. Remus was standing in front of the mirror, attempting to comb down his light brown hair which was sticking up in the back something fierce. His hands were shaking so hard he was to the point of giving up. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to pull himself together. He felt a hand cover his own and slip the comb from between his fingers. "Thank you, Sirius," he whispered softly before he even opened his opened his eyes to see him.

Sirius smiled and ran the comb through the other boy's hair, doing his best to tame the bed-shaped mess. "You look worse than usual." If it hadn't been for the sympathetic and kind tone to the boy's voice, he would have sounded cruel. He stared at Remus in the mirror, his eyes worried.

"I haven't been sleeping," Remus said, lamely.

Sirius' features twisted in confusion. "I haven't heard you in weeks."

"No." Remus shook his head and took the comb back from the other boy. "It isn't that. I haven't been able to fall asleep at all."

"Why don't you get some sleep now? Just skive a- Don't walk away from me."

At the word _skive_, Remus had made a break for the door. "You know I can't. If anyone noticed th-"

"Moony," Sirius pleaded with him. "No one will notice you're gone for one day. James and I can cover for you. We'll say you're skipping for your birthday or we played some prank on you and you're glued to the wall. Come on." He wrapped his hands around Remus' arm and started pulling the boy towards the bed. "You need some sleep."

Remus was staring down at the floor. Despite his not wanting to miss class, he was giving serious thought to it. His inner battle was cut short when Alice poked her head into the room.

"Remus, love, are you ready?" Alice walked into the room and ignored the glare she was receiving from Sirius. "Are you okay, you look kinda sick," she whispered.

"Actually, he isn't feeling -"

"I'm fine," Remus interrupted with a sharp tone. He took Alice's hand and gave it a little squeeze. "I just slept wrong, I'm fine. Let's go, I'm really hungry."

Remus couldn't be certain, but he was fairly sure he heard Sirius mutter something involving the words _werewolf_ and _bunny_ as he led Alice out of the bedroom. He shot the other boy a warning look and wrapped his arm around Alice's shoulder to head to the Great Hall.

* * *

Remus managed to make it through breakfast and his morning classes without having an incident, but by the time lunch arrived, he was looking dreadful. Halfway through the meal, he had already dropped his sandwich in his lap, twice, and knocked his juice over onto the table.

Alice aided in the clean up and glanced out of the corner of her eyes at Remus. "You feeling alright, love?" she asked quietly. When Remus responded with a weak nod, she pursed her lips and turned towards him. "Remus, what's wrong?" she asked adamantly. "Maybe you should go to the nurse," she pressed on. She lifted her hand to the boy's forehead and frowned. "You're burning up."

"I'm fine," Remus whispered, pulling the girl's hand from his head. "Just drop it, I'm okay." He leaned over and gave Alice a kiss on the cheek, then lovingly passed his hand through her hair.

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

Alice gave the boy a weary look, but stopped speaking. She ate in silence, occasionally looking across the table to see James or Sirius throwing worried glances at Remus. She dropped her fork, letting it clang loudly against her plate. "Are you sure? I can walk with you to the wing, it isn't a big deal."

Remus closed his eyes a moment and took a deep breath before shaking his head. "Alice..._dear_, I'm perfectly fine. Just finish up or we'll be late to our next class."

"I don't think everything's perfectly fine. Your hands are shaking." Alice widened her eyes and snapped up the boy's hand, clutching it between her own and holding it against her heart. She stared at the boy with pained eyes and opened her mouth to speak again.

"Don't you know when to back off?" Sirius growled. Pressing his hands hard against the table. He leaned forward and stared at Alice with cold eyes.

"Excuse me?" Alice snapped, staring right back into Sirius' gaze and returning the coldness.

"He said he was fine. Just shut your mouth already," Sirius snapped, leaning a bit closer over the table.

"Sirius, stop," Remus whispered. He rubbed at his eyes with the tips of his fingers on his free hand and stared down at the table.

"I'm sorry, but she asked you like...ten times! How many times does a bloke have to answer the same stupid question before she'll shut up?"

Alice dropped Remus' hand and got to her feet. She threw her legs over the bench and stared back down at Sirius. "I don't see how it's any of your business!" she shrieked loudly enough that the surround students stopped their meal and turned to watch the scene.

"Alice, please sit down," Remus whispered, tugging on the girl's robes.

"No. Not with that jerk still here." Alice looked down at Remus, her eyes flashing in her anger. She leaned down and put her hands on the table, then bent over it to bring her face close to Sirius'. "I don't know _what_ your problem is," she hissed, "But I suggest you get over it. Fast." She stood up and whipped her robes around rather dramatically and stormed out of the Great Hall.

All four boys watched in silence as Alice departed, each of them wearing shocked faces. Sirius was the first to move. He rubbed his hands over his face and shook his head, a loud, half-laughed sigh coming from his throat. "Moony, I'm so-"

"Shut up," Remus snapped, turning his face to meet Sirius' shocked eyes.

Sirius' face fell in hurt at his friend's harsh tone. "I was trying to a-"

"Damn it, Sirius," Remus interrupted. "The next time you wanna have a go at my girlfriend, maybe you could have better timing." He got to his feet and stepped over the bench, his tired eyes still bearing down into Sirius'. "Don't you think I'm dealing with enough right now?" he added, throwing his napkin down onto his unfinished lunch. He closed his eyes and took a calming breath before heading out of the Great Hall to find Alice.

Sirius stared after Remus with his mouth hanging open. After a moment, he turned to James. "I can't believe he just did that. I was say-"

"Shut up, Sirius," James sighed, his eyes focused on his food.

The offended boy narrowed his eyes at James. He cast a glance over towards Peter, who instantly dropped his gaze onto his own plate. Slowly, Sirius shook his head and dragged his hand back through his hair. He put his elbow on the table and rested his head upon the back of his hand as he looked down at his food. He picked up his fork and poked at the cold lump of chicken sitting on his plate. The dejection from all of the other Marauders ate into him until he stood up and threw his fork down, making a loud enough clatter to start up a chain of whispers around him.

"Sit down," James ordered dryly without even looking up. "Don't you dare go bother them."

A low, canine growl built in Sirius' chest and he snapped his teeth threateningly at James. He hadn't intended to go after Remus, but because of the accusation, that was exactly what he decided upon doing. He charged out of the Great Hall and whipped the Marauders' Map out of his pocket. Staring down at the mess of students, he quickly spotted two down a hall to themselves.

After watching the names move closer, Sirius wiped the Map and headed to his bed.

Meanwhile, Remus dashed down the hallway, unsure how Alice was able to get so far from him. He called her name until the girl consented to stop, then pulled her over towards a window to keep out of the middle of the hallway.

"I'm sorry, Remus," Alice whispered as she stared idly out of the window. "He just made me so mad. I don't know how you can put up with him; he's like a child. He's a complete jerk."

Remus made a sharp huff and took Alice's hand into his own. "Look, he was bent out of line, I don't argue that, but I can't...I can't let you insult my best mate like that."

Alice made a sour face and pulled her hand free from Remus'. For a moment, he thought he had angered her until she put her arms around his neck and moved closer to him. "Alright." She licked her lips and shifted a bit. "I just wish I knew why he was being like that to me."

"I don't know why," Remus answered. "I'd tell you if I did, but Sirius..." He trailed off and leaned against the wall, his arms looping around the girl's waist. "Sirius can be complicated, to say the least. I think he has it in his head that you're gonna ditch me; lead me on and ditch me."

Alice looked up into Remus' eyes and faltered. "That isn't true though! I wouldn't do that. I love you," she argued. When a flinch was visible on Remus' face, she slid her arms down from around his neck and rested her hands on his chest. "Sorry, I know that you aren't ready for that. I'm not asking you to say it back, but you can't stop me from telling you how I feel."

Remus nodded and put his forehead against Alice's. "I know," he whispered before pulling her into a soft kiss.

* * *

Remus walked into the bedroom and dropped his bag down onto the floor next to his bed. He sat down heavily on the edge of Sirius' bed and looked down at him with disappointment in his eyes. Sirius folded his arms over his chest and rolled over to his side, a childish snort coming from his nose.

"You missed class," Remus said with a matter-of-fact tone.

"So?"

"You missed tea."

"So?"

Remus rolled his eyes and fished a scrap of parchment from his robe pocket. He dropped it onto Sirius' head and got up from the bed. Sirius rolled over and picked up the parchment as he sat up on the bed. "What's this?" he asked, unfolding it.

"The notes for the classes you missed. You're welcome," Remus answered with an unamused tone as he headed for the door.

"Moony, wait." Sirius dropped the parchment and hurried to intercept the boy from leaving. He put his hands on Remus' shoulders and looked up at his face. "I'm really so-"

"Don't." Remus pulled out of Sirius' hands and took a step backwards. "Don't apologize, okay? If you're really sorry, then you'll...you'll figure out whatever it is that you hate so much about Alice and..._get_ _over_ _it_."

"I don't know what it is!" Sirius growled. He put his hands in his hair and tugged at it in frustration. "She just makes me so mad."

"Could it be that you're jealous?" Remus asked simply. The confused look on the other boy's face brought a sigh from Remus. "I know you get a lot of girls, Sirius, but you snog them a few hours then you're done. They're gone. Maybe you're just jealous that someone wants me for more than just my lips." He braced himself for Sirius' laughter, but it never came. The two stood in silence for a while before Remus forced himself to break it. "I have to get some dinner and get to the Hospital Wing. Moon comes up early tonight. Are you coming?"

"Of course!" Sirius was obviously wounded from the question.

Remus merely nodded and stepped around Sirius. He met Alice in the common room and gave her a quick excuse about Prefect duties before he took off into the hallway. Sirius watched as the two shared a quick kiss and was taken aback when Alice's eyes jumped to him. The girl put her hands on her hips and stared up at Sirius with the coldest eyes he had ever seen. Sirius just glared right back.

* * *

**A Note From the Author: Thanks for reading. Leave me some thoughts? :D –Jenna**


	4. The Smallest Things that Tear Us Down

**Chapter 4: The Smallest Things that Tear Us Down**

**.**

A few days after the final full moon of the cycle, Remus was feeling back to his usual self. He sat on his favorite couch in the common room, one arm around Alice, the other propping open a book. James, Sirius and Peter were off doing something that Remus' Prefectly nature would have forced him to stop, so logically, they left him behind.

Alice shifted underneath Remus' arm and let out a heavy sigh. Her eyes cut up towards her boyfriend and a frown crossed her face as she found his eyes still on the page. She shifted again and wrapped her arms around the boy's waist, then laid her head on his shoulder with another sigh. The boy's arm tightened around her and she beamed with success, only to frown again when she realized he was simply turning the page. Another loud and dramatic sigh from Alice made Remus' lips pull into a tight smile that he was clearly fighting.

"Remus Lupin," Alice squealed as she sat up and stared back at the boy. "You're ignoring me on purpose."

Remus marked his page and flicked a strand of hair out of his eyes. "I keep telling you that if you want something, just say it. Don't sit there and sigh at me." He laid his book in his lap and put his hands on the girl's knees. "What's wrong?" he asked with a fake pout.

"Don't make fun of me," Alice whined as she pushed the boy's hands away.

"I'm not," he replied with a laugh. Remus reached out and took the girl around the waist, pulling her closer. "What do you want?" he asked, putting his chin on the girl's shoulder.

"Attention." Alice grabbed the book from Remus' lap before he realized what was happening. She stood up and raced over to the base of the staircase leading to the boy's dormitories. "If you want it back, you have to come get it," she teased, waving the book at him.

Remus locked his eyes onto Alice's and crouched down slightly, waiting to see if she was serious. When her bottom foot lifted and touched the step, he jumped over the back of the couch and charged at Alice with a grin. The girl shrieked in laughter and bolted up the steps. Remus' caught up with her just as she stepped inside of his bedroom; his arms catching her waist and spinning her around in the air. She squirmed and giggled in the boy's hold until he put her back on her feet.

"Close the door," Alice said as she walked over to the boy's bed and put his book down on his nightstand. She gave him a come-hither smile and dropped onto his bed, then patted the spot next to her. When the boy did exactly as she demanded, she put her arms around his neck and leaned forward. "I'm ready," she whispered against Remus' lips.

"Ready for what?" Remus asked, his eyebrows raised in confusion.

"For you, silly," she answered. "I wanna have sex. With you," she added as an afterthought.

Remus' eyes widened and he scooted out of Alice's arms. "Are...are you sure? That's a big step and we've only be-"

The sound of a door crashing open caused Remus to nearly jump out of his skin. He stared over at the doorway to see a very disheveled Sirius Black. "I figured you were up here," the boy said before sticking his head out of the door and looking back down towards the common room. "He's up here! I told you!" he yelled down.

"Tell him to get down here!" James' voice yelled back up.

"Alright! But he's with..._her_." Sirius turned his attention back to the young couple and gave a sarcastic smile to Alice. "So sorry to interrupt, well, actually, I'm not, but I need Remus."

Remus pursed his lips at Sirius' attitude and pulled his hands back through his hair. "I'll be right back," he muttered to Alice before crossing the room and shoving Sirius back out of the doorway. "What do you need?" he asked, his arms crossing over his chest.

"I need _you_. Let's go. We're sneaking out to Hogsmeade, cloak leaves in one minute and you, Mister Lupin, need to be under it." Sirius poked his friend in the chest and grinned. "Step to, let's go!"

"Come on, Moony!" James yelled from the base of the stairs.

Remus put his hand up in James' direction and kept focused on Sirius. "I don't wanna go. I'm kinda busy."

"You're kinda busy? You know what, just...just whatever!" Sirius scowled and turned his face away in distaste. "Just go back to your stupid girlfriend then, we don't want you along anyways."

Remus reached back and pulled the bedroom door closed so that Alice could no longer hear them talk. "Sirius, leave her out of this, you don't ha-"

"No! I won't leave her out of this. Why is she even in there?" he growled as he pointed towards the door.

"That's not your business."

A horrified look fell over Sirius' face and he shook his head. "Oh, _please_ tell me that you two aren't...that you're not gonna...you can't! You can't honestly wanna," he bobbed his head back and forth and made a suggestive hand gesture, "with that bunny."

Down the stairs, James could be heard telling Peter, "I think they're fighting, we should go without them."

"We are not fighting!" Remus yelled back down at the boys before addressing Sirius' concerns. "What I do with my girlfriend isn't your concern. Just get off it." He reached for the doorknob, but his hand was batted away.

"No." Sirius stepped between Remus and the door and pushed his friend back away from it. "Ditch her and come with us. You know you want to; you haven't been on the last two outings. Just come along, you can hang with her any other time."

"I'll pass," Remus said coldly as he tried to push Sirius away from the door.

"You'll pass?" Sirius closed his eyes and gritted his teeth together. He rubbed his fingers over his eyelids and took a deep breath before continuing. "You're gonna pass on going out with us..._for_ _her_!" he shouted the last bit and flung his hands wildly towards the door.

"Don't be so dramatic," Remus sighed with a roll of his light blue eyes.

"I'm not being dramatic. You're bein- We are not fighting!" Sirius shouted down the stairs, making James and Peter scamper off and stop watching the show. He turned back to Remus and narrowed his eyes. "You're being a real jerk. You wanna skip hanging out so that you can shag?"

Remus dropped his head to the floor and groaned. "I never said that was what we were doing. You jumped to your own conclusions, Sirius." He pushed the boy away from the door and stepped towards it once more.

Sirius' hands closed around Remus' upper arm and he stared up him with wounded eyes. "I'll buy you chocolate," he said with a grin. When Remus scoffed, Sirius pushed harder. "I'll...I'll buy you the best chocolate. The top of the line stuff with the caramel and the pretty red wrapper on it."

"Sirius, not this time."

The boy's hands dropped from Remus' arm and he stomped angrily down the steps. "You better get back to your stupid bunny!" he shouted before he hit the bottom step.

"You better get back to your jerk convention!" Remus shouted back, knowing very well that it was possibly the worst insult that he had ever conceived in his life. He growled at himself and flung the door open to the bedroom, then slammed it back closed behind him.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked, jumping at the slamming door and scooting back on the bed a little. Her eyes were a mixture of worry and surprise.

"I'm fine," Remus lied as he crossed the room in two strides and shed his robes to the floor. He leaned over Alice and pressed his lips roughly against hers, then pushed her back on the bed.

His hands found the hem of Alice's jumper and swept it up over her head in a flash. He pushed back down into another kiss as his fingers raced through the buttons on the girl's blouse and pushed it back from her shoulders.

"Remus, wait," Alice breathed out, pushing the boy to sit up on his knees and pulling her shirt closed.

"I thought this was what you wanted." Remus was exasperated as he slapped his hands down onto his thighs and stared up at his curtains.

"It is!" Alice argued. "It is, I do want it, I just want you to slow down. Take your time." She put her hands on the boy's chest and let her fingers brush over the buttons on his shirt.

Remus' hand caught hers and pulled them down. "Not the shirt," he whispered with a pained face. He ignored Alice's confused expression and put his arms around her, pushing her back down to lay flat on the bed. He pressed his lips to hers and moved over her, his hands once again pushing open her shirt.

"I love you," Alice whispered as she laid her hands on the boy's hips.

"I can't do this," Remus said suddenly. He scrambled to get off of his girlfriend and took a seat at the end of the bed, his head hung in his hands. "I can't do it; I'm not ready."

"You've done it before," Alice whispered as she arranged herself and sat beside him.

"It...it was different, okay?" Remus sighed and shook his head, then got to his feet. He paced in front of the bed a moment before sitting back down and looking into Alice's eyes. "I'm sorry, I just can't," he told her with a broken smile.

"That's okay." Alice put her hands on Remus' face and smiled at him with adoration. "Maybe we can just kiss a little, then?" she offered with a smirk.

"Yeah, okay," Remus laughed. He wrapped his arms around the girl and laid down sideways on the bed, pulling her to lay over him as they kissed. He held her tightly as they spent the next hour in a passionate snog. It was getting later and they grew tired of the kissing, eventually resigning themselves to discussing the book Remus had been reading earlier that evening.

Alice's eyes grew heavy and kept fluttering closed as they spoke. Remus reached over and gave the girl a gentle shake. "Alice, baby, you're falling asleep."

"Yeah, so?" Alice muttered sleepily, rolling over and pressing her face in tot eh pillow. "The pillow smells like you," she said with a small laugh.

"Of course it does, it's _my_ pillow." Remus sat up and shook Alice once more. "Get up, you gotta go back to your own room before you fall asleep."

"I don't have to," Alice muttered. "They won't even miss me." She rolled over onto her back and gave Remus a sleepy smile. "I wanna stay here."

"I've figured that out." Remus put his hands on his face and rubbed at his eyes. "You can't sleep in my bed," he finally answered. "I can't sleep with you here. You need to go back to your own room."

"You're kicking me out?" Alice snapped as her eyes were suddenly wide awake and filled with the early signs of tears.

"Don't get upset," Remus pleaded, grabbing onto the girl's shoulders. "Please, please don't get so upset. I'm not trying to hurt you here."

"No, you're just trying to get rid of me!" Alice cried out as she tore from Remus' grip and bolted out of the door.

Remus collapsed on his pillow and let out a muffled scream into the fabric.

* * *

**A Note From the Author: Thanks for reading. What did you think of Sirius' reaction to thinking that Remus might be having sex? How do you feel about Remus' inability to follow through with the act? Leave me some thoughts. :D –Jenna**


	5. I Know What's Happening Here

**Chapter 5: I Know What's Happening Here**

**.**

Alice slowly pushed open the bedroom door to the sixth year boys' room and tiptoed inside. Once she had gotten over her initial anger at Remus for throwing her out, she tossed and turned in her own bed, unable to sleep with a fight still hanging unresolved. Quietly, the girl pushed the door closed behind her and tucked back a loose strand of blonde hair that fell from her ponytail.

"Stay back," came a pained whisper.

Alice froze. She was sure that she had heard Remus' voice, but it was so low, she could have been mistaken. After getting her breath back, she moved over to the boy's bed and tilted her head with wonder as to why one side of his curtains was still open. She stared down at her boyfriend and strained to see him in the soft moonlight pouring through a near-by window.

Remus was laid on his stomach, his hands clenched tightly onto his pillow. His tee-shirt was soaked through with sweat and he was frantically kicking at the sheets that were bunched up around his legs. Concerned with the boy's state, Alice reached down and laid her hand on his back. Remus' body flinched and he rolled onto his back. His hair was just as soaked as his back; it clung to his forehead and stuck up at odd angles.

"Remus," Alice whispered, reaching for the boy again.

"Sirius, don't!" Remus let out a pain filled groan that sent chills down Alice's spine. He clutched at his chest and bared his teeth; another pained groan escaping through them. He rolled over onto his side and curled himself up, his face twisting in agony.

Alice put her hand over her mouth and took a step backwards from the bed. She collided hard with Sirius as the boy was headed over towards Remus. Sirius grabbed onto Alice's shoulders and pushed her from his path, almost knocking her to the floor with his carelessness.

"Remus, hey, can you hear me?" Sirius called out softly, his voice fighting to stay as calm as possible. He put one hand onto the boy's forehead and pushed the sweat clung hair from his face. "You need to wake up," he said, a bit more forceful as he gave the boy a small shake.

Remus' body ran rigid. "Sirius, run! Get out of here," he growled, his voice quivering with fear. His head started shaking back and forth violently, his teeth clenched together and his jaw tight.

Sirius got onto the bed, sitting on his knees and grabbed onto Remus' head, forcing him to stop moving it so that he wouldn't injure his neck. "Damn it, Remus, please wake up." His head ducked quickly, just barely missing being struck by one of Remus' hands as they started flailing about. Sirius kept one hand on Remus' head while the other wrestled his arm down to the mattress. He pushed the boy's wrist underneath his knee to hold it in place, then reached for the other.

Alice watched with wide eyes, her hands sweating and shaking. She felt an arm around her chest as someone tried to push her towards the door. She fought against it, desperately trying to stay close to Remus.

"Alice, get out of here," James hissed in the girl's ear as he once again tried to push her from the room. Alice continued to fight against him as she watched the almost frightening scene play out before her eyes. She took a step towards the two struggling boys, only to be held onto by James. "Stay back," James warned. "You could get hurt."

As if by cue, Remus growled loudly and arched his back up off of the bed. He strained under the other boy's weight as Sirius shifted to sit over him, both of his knees pinning the boy's wrists to the bed. He pushed down on Remus' chest to get him to lay back flat, his eyes closed tightly to keep from looking at the boy's anguished face.

"I have to help him!" Remus cried out, his voice hurt and angry. "He could die."

"No, Remus, I'm fine." Sirius leaned down and put his mouth near the other boy's ear so that Remus could hear him more clearly. "Remus, can you hear me? Can you? Just listen!" He put his hands up into Remus' hair and swept it back from his face, then wiped the sweat from his forehead. "Come on, buddy, wake up, please. I'm fine, I'm okay, you can hear me. Listen to my voice, I'm fine."

Alice could barely hear all of what Sirius was saying. Remus' painful screams and pleas to be released were drowning out the other boy's words. She watched as a relieved look suddenly flooded Sirius' features and he sat up straight. Remus' body laid still against the bed as Sirius climbed off him and sat on his knees just to the boy's side. He grabbed onto Remus' arms and pulled him into a sitting position. Remus' eyes were now open and filled with tears. He reached out and wrapped his arms around Sirius, pulling the other boy close to him, and buried his face into the boy's neck.

"I'm fine, Moony," Sirius whispered as he rubbed one hand up and down Remus' back in a soothing motion. "I'm perfectly okay. James is okay too. And Peter, they're both alright." He pulled back from the other boy and wiped the tears from his cheeks. "Are _you_ okay?"

Remus nodded and sniffled, then turned to see if he had woken up James and Peter. His eyes filled with horror as he spotted Alice. He jumped off the bed, tripping in his tangled of mess of sheets and scrambling back to his feet.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked. Finally free of James' hold, she met Remus in the middle of the room and pushed her hands over his face.

"I'm fine," Remus answered, shooting a glare towards James.

"Hey!" James held his hands up in surrender and took a step backwards. "I tried to get her to leave. She wouldn't listen to me." He flopped his hands back down and walked over to Remus' bed where he began helping Sirius straighten out the boy's sheets.

"Look, Alice," Remus began, but was silenced by the girl's hand.

"We can talk I the morning, you need rest." She touched his cheek softly and gave him an apologetic smile. "I'm so sorry. I understand completely now. I love you," she whispered. She leaned forward and gave the boy a quick kiss before dashing from the room.

Remus sighed and turned back to his bed, finding Sirius alone on the edge of it with his face in his hands. Remus sat down next to him and laid his hand on the boy's back.

Sirius looked up with tears threatening his eyes. "They're getting worse, Moony," he whispered.

"I know. I can't make it stop."

"We'll figure something out, I promise." Sirius wrapped his arm around Remus' shoulders and gave him a squeeze. "I promise," he repeated.

* * *

Remus was not looking forward to the conversation with Alice the next morning. She stood quietly outside of the bedroom door until James, Sirius and Peter left for breakfast, then hurried inside and closed the door.

"I'm sorry that I was so awful about not sleeping with you," she said in a hurry, wrapping her arms around Remus' neck. "You should have just told me, I would have understood. I wish that you could share your secrets with me."

Remus put his hands on the girl's hips and looked into her eyes. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you. I was afraid you'd freak out."

"I understand." Alice brushed her hand across Remus' cheek and asked the one thing he had been hoping she wouldn't. "What do you dream about?"

"I'd rather not tell you," he answered. He pulled away his girlfriend and took a seat on the end of his bed. He stared down into his hands and chewed his bottom lip. "You're just gonna have to accept that there are certain thing I can't tell you."

Alice joined the boy on the bed and slipped her hand into his. "Remus, you _can_ tell me anything," she said as she put her free hand on the boy's cheek and forced him to look at her. "If you choose not to tell me, well...there's nothing I can do about that. But you should know that there's nothing you could say that would change how I feel about you.

"I'm not going to tell you everything," Remus whispered. "A person's entitled to have secrets."

"So there are more? Worse than the nightmares?"

"Don't push." Remus pulled his hand from Alice's and dragged it back through his hair. The silence wore on for far too long and Remus was just about to speak when Alice broke the tension.

"Remus, are you sick?" she asked rather bluntly.

"I feel fine," he answered, giving the girl a confused look.

"I don't mean stomach bug sick, I mean..._sick_ sick. Do you have cancer or some kinda...illness? I'm only going there because sometimes you look really ill and your hands shake a lot. And-and James and Peter, sometimes they look at you like you're going to fall over and Sirius... Sirius is so protective; he acts like I'm gonna break you or something." Alice reached up and wiped away the surfacing tears from her eyes before continuing. "You spend a lot of time in the Hospital Wing too and Mad-"

"I'm not sick," Remus finally interrupted. "Alice, I'm fine. I'm not dying or anything like that. I swear it to you."

Alice nodded slowly, though she looked less than convinced.

"Are you ready for class?" Remus asked, desperate to change the subject.

"No." Alice took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Can...can I ask you something without you getting mad at me?"

"Maybe."

Despite the unwanted answer, Alice pushed forward anyways. "This...other secret of yours," she began, her eyes fixed hard on the floor. "Is it about Sirius?"

"What?" Remus pulled back and stared at the blonde with wide eyes. "What secret could I have that would be about Sirius?"

Alice swallowed back air and twisted her hands in front of her. "I just... Well, I couldn't help but notice the way you called out for him last night. I know he's your best mate and all, but watching the way he was there for you...it seemed..." She trailed off.

"Alice, you just said it. He's one of my best mates and has been for six years. He's used to the nightmares, he knows how to help. I can't control what I yell in my sleep, but I'd like to think I call for him because of that, because he's the one who comes to help me. Every time, since the first time."

"The way he's there for you..." Alice sighted quietly. "You're lucky to have someone like that. I get so mad at him because he's such a jerk to me and I hate the way he treats girls after they've snogged him and I can't _stand_ it when he laughs be-"

"There's nothing wrong with his laugh," Remus snapped, not even meaning to. He covered his mouth with his hand and cut his eyes to the floor.

Alice let out a sharp breath and shook her head. "Remus, it almost seems like there's more going on with you two. Like you aren't just friends. If there are...feelings th-"

"Alice. You honestly sound really mental right now." Remus stood up and turned his back to his girlfriend as he busied himself with gathering up his bag.

"Remus, it's fine if you wanna keep your little _secrets_," the girl hissed angrily as she got to her feet and glared him down. "But don't you dare stand there and insult my intelligence that way." She turned on her heel and stomped out of the room, leaving Remus behind with his hands in his hair.

The boy took a deep breath and dropped his arms heavily to his side. He clenched his jaw and closed his eyes, thinking through an apology before following Alice out of the room.

* * *

**A Note From the Author: Hey there! I'd love to know how you're feeling about the story right about now? Do you love it? Hate it? How do you feel about Remus' nightmare situation?Thanks for reading. :D –Jenna**


	6. Suddenly, it's Like a Battlefield

**Chapter 6: Suddenly, it's Like a Battlefield**

**.**

Once an apology was made, life returned to normal for Remus Lupin and Alice Wood. The two carried on as a couple, growing closer each day despite the obvious disapproval from Sirius Black. As for James Potter, he was too caught up in his pursuit at becoming a man worth of one, Lily Evans, to give the slightest of opinions on Alice. Even Peter Pettigrew had his thoughts, and hands, busy with other matters as he had taken up with a nice Hufflepuff girl by the name of Charity.

Almost a month had passed and the first full moon of the cycle was looming near. Remus hadn't been sleeping well of his own accord because the nightmares were becoming so frequent he had chosen to force himself to stay away. The last two nights he had spent the dark hours working on homework while his roommates slept soundly. Therefore, it was no surprise that the young werewolf began to drift out of consciousness as he and Alice sat in the common room, discussing their Summer plans. Soon enough, the boy's head tilted back and his eyes closed. Alice was in no mind to wake up her boyfriend. She could tell that he was beyond exhausted and wasn't going to be the one to force him awake.

Sirius was the first of the remaining three Marauders to step through the common room entrance. His eyes seemed to instantly draw towards the sleeping boy and a wave of horror flashed over his face. He bounded across the common room, grabbed Remus up by his shoulder and shook him as hard as he could manage. "Remus," he whispered. When he was greeted by the light blue of Remus' eyes, he released his hold and sat down on the table directly in front of him. "You fell asleep in the common room."

"Damn it," Remus spat at himself as he rubbed at his eyes with his palms. "Thanks," he added, looking up at Sirius and pulling himself to sit forward.

"Why did you let him fall asleep like that?" Sirius asked, staring coldly in Alice's direction.

She blinked, shocked at the sudden chill being sent her way. She glanced at Remus for support.

When it was obvious that Sirius was about to start in again, Remus held up his hand and made an argumentative whine. "Sirius, please don't," he begged. He yawned loudly and shook his head. "It isn't Alice's job to make sure I don't fall asleep down here. I should have been more careful."

"It isn't _my_ job either, but I don't let it happen," Sirius argued.

"What's the big deal?" Alice asked, annoyed at being spoken about as though she weren't there. After a moment to think, she gasped and wrapped her arms around Remus' arm. "Oh, Remus, the nightmare thing. I wasn't even thinking a-"

"Clearly," Sirius interrupted with a snort.

"Sirius, please don't," came a desperate whisper from Remus just as Alice spoke too. "You know what, _Sirius_, I haven't had as much time to get used to the situation as you have." She narrowed her eyes and took a strained breath in an effort to remain calm. "I'm doing my best here."

"Then _clearly_, your _best_ just isn't good enough," Sirius growled.

At once, Alice was on her feet and staring down daggers at Sirius. "Look you bastard, I am tired of your attitude!"

The small scattering of students around the common room all froze at the sound of Alice's shouts. All eyes were focused on the blonde as Remus desperately tried to pull her back down onto the couch. No one bothered to acknowledge James and Peter as the two entered carrying bags of Honeydukes candies.

Sirius got to his feet and stared up at Alice, uncaring that she had a good foot over him in height. "I'm getting tired of a few things myself. Like the fact that you can't even handle a simple task."

James' arms were suddenly wrapped around Sirius' chest from behind. The boy struggled to pull his friend back from the ever growing stressful situation. Remus seized the chance to intervene as well and moved in front of Alice. He was stunned when his girlfriend pushed him down onto the couch and charged over the distance that James had managed to put between her and Sirius.

"I've said this before and I'll say it again," Alice threatened as she neared the object of her anger. "I don't care how horrible you are to me, I don't care what you have to say, I am not going anywhere!"

"Yeah, we'll see about that," Sirius scoffed, his eyes becoming slits.

"You aren't going to run me off. I love h-" Alice's words were drowned out by Sirius' barking laugh.

"How can you stand there and claim to be in love with someone that you know _nothing_ about?" Sirius asked, his laugh growing cold and condescending. "You think you're so special because you know what his favorite book is or because you like the same music, but you're not. You don't know a damn thing about him."

"That's enough," Remus begged as he stepped up beside Alice and tried to push her back. He stared down at Sirius with an indistinguishable look in his eyes. It was almost anger, but not quite; even verging on fear and disappointment.

"How can you put up with him?" Alice snarled at Remus.

Alice's friend Delilah dashed across the room and linked her arm through Alice's. She gave the girl a tug and pleaded for her to calm down.

Sirius' laughter picked up again. "Put up with me? I'm one of his closest mates, you fluffy little moron. What are you, huh? A shag."

The sharp sound of Alice's hand bashing across Sirius' face brought a gasp out of everyone standing near by. Sirius' hand jumped to his cheek and his face was in shock that the girl had just struck him. The blonde girl was staring at Sirius with fire in her eyes and a clear indication of having enjoyed what she just did to him.

"Alice don't," Delilah begged of her friend. "He isn't worth it, alright. He's just jealous that Remus has someone who cares about him."

"Oh, he's jealous of someone alright!" Alice yelled, her eyes locked cold onto Sirius'. She pulled out of Delilah's grip and leaned over, bringing her face near Sirius'. "He's jealous of me," she hissed quietly before giving a dramatic turn and bashing from the common room up the girls' staircase.

Sirius' face hardened and his eyes cut straight to Remus. "Mo-"

"Don't," Remus whispered, shaking his head. "Just don't." He rubbed his face and slowly pulled himself up the boys' staircase to lay down.

Sirius growled in frustration and threw himself down onto the nearest couch. He brought his feet up onto the cushion and wrapped his arms around his knees, assuming a child-like stance of sulking. James stared at his friend in consideration for a moment before turning to Peter. He sent the other boy upstairs to check on Remus, then took a seat on the couch in front of Sirius.

"You can say what you want about Alice," James began in a quiet voice as though he were making simple conversation. "But she's pretty observant."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Sirius rolled his eyes and tugged at a loose string on the sleeve hem of his jumper.

"Of course you don't." James casually pulled some of his Honeydukes purchases from his pocket and focused on opening the bag. "Love isn't easy to understand. I'd imagine it'd be loads harder if you find yourself falling in love with one of your best _guy_ mates." He held out the now opened bag of Ice Mice and smiled.

Sirius batted away his friend's offering and scoffed. "I am not in _love_ with Remus."

"Certainly not. Don't know why I'd say such a preposterous thing," James said, not bothering to hide his sarcasm. "It isn't like you're always finding some reason to put you arm around him or sit right next to him." He tipped his hand up and took several of the ice mice into his mouth, then continued to speak over the soft squeaking. "You definitely don't stare at him when you think he isn't looking and I've never once caught you with wandering eyes after the full moon." He smirked in delight as he could see his words making Sirius rather uncomfortable looking. "Then there's the way that the very sight of seeing him with Alice makes you physically ill or so mad you start childish fights."

Sirius put his face down and stared at his hands. "That isn't what's going on. I just don't like the idea of him falling for some bunny."

"You don't like the idea of him falling for _anyone_."

Soft squeaking from James' mouth was all that could be heard between the boys for a while. Sirius continued to stare down at his loose jumper string and tug at it until it had become much longer. "Even if you were right...it doesn't matter. Remus really likes Alice."

James smiled at his minor victory and clapped Sirius on the shoulder. "That he does, mate." He leaned forward and dropped his voice to a whisper. "But I don't hear him screaming Alice's name at night." He let his hazel eyes find Sirius' grey and gave the boy a comforting smile. Before his friend could say another word on the matter, James was out the door, offering up a candy to a flash of red hair.

Sirius groaned loudly and got up from the couch, then schlepped himself up the stairs to the bedroom. He flinched as he saw that the curtains were fully closed around Remus' bed. "Remus?" he called out, taking a spot next to the bed. The silence prompted him to pull open the curtain. When Remus' eyes met his, he frowned. "You didn't answer."

Remus stared up at Sirius in silence.

"Look, I'm sorry. I know that I was out of line down there and I've been a total jerk to Alice, but it ends here."

More silence.

"I swear, Moony!" Sirius dropped onto his knees and bit his bottom lip. "I will never say another word to her. Not a single one. Unless you want me to apologize to her, then I'll do it. I will. I'll crawl across the floor and beg fo-"

"Don't be so dramatic, Padfoot," Remus whispered, a small smirk coming to his lips.

Sirius' face lit up with excitement. "I mean it, okay? I'll stay away from her."

Remus nodded and gave the boy a smile. He sat up and punched at his pillow, then shifted to get more comfortable on the bed. Sirius ran off to get a shower and to change for bed. He was the last to head to his bed that night, so he was walking by wand light. He slid between his sheets and pulled the curtains closed on each side of the bed except the one facing Remus.

Sirius looked across at his sleeping friend and smiled. "Good night, Moony," he whispered as he lay back on his pillow. "Nox."

Remus smiled into the dark and pulled his blanket up higher on his shoulders. "Good night, Padfoot," he whispered back.

* * *

**A Note From the Author: Thank you thank you for reading. Leave me some thought? Yes? No? Maybe so? :D –Jenna**


	7. Don't Even Know What We're Fighting For

**Chapter 7: Don't Even Know What We're Fighting For**

**.**

The thick smell of sanitizing solution and healing paste hung in the air of the Hospital Wing. Remus sat quietly on the end of one of the hospital beds, twisting his hands with anxiousness for the coming hours. All was quiet on that night as the young boy awaited the return of Madame Pomfrey so that she could walk him down to the Whomping Willow for his transformation.

Feeling a bit tired, Remus laid back on the bed, his feet still hanging off, and closed his eyes. He wasn't sure how long he had been resting his eyes when he heard footsteps. Assuming that the Nurse had returned for him, he sat up and opened his eyes; only to find his girlfriend staring back at him.

"Remus?" Alice gave the boy a quizzical look and walked over to where he sat.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Remus asked, trying to sound casual as he reached out and put his arms around the girl's waist.

"I was getting some...female...things – It isn't important. What are you doing here?" Alice asked, turning the tables on her uncomfortable answer.

"Oh, I have a headache. Came to get some potion for it, but she isn't here yet, so I'm waiting." Remus gave the girl a small smile and tilted his head. "You'd probably be better off coming back in the morning, she could take a while.

Alice narrowed her eyes and looked over at Remus with skepticism. "Headache?"

"You don't believe me," Remus sighed. He hated every word that he was about to say, but the situation was only going to get worse if he didn't nip it in the bud. "You never believe me. You constantly question me and never trust the answers I give you." Guilt lunged in Remus' chest and made him want to become truly sick.

"It's not that I don't believe you. It's just that... I _know_ that you're keeping something from me and I can't stand it. I don't know what I have to do to prove myself to you," Alice pleaded, tears quickly filling her eyes and running down over her cheeks.

Remus pulled the girl into his arms and frowned at his own stubbornness. "Please, don't cry," he whispered. "I'm sorry if you think that I'm hid-"

"Alright, Mister Lupin," Madame Pomfrey began as she walked into the Hospital Wing with her head down. "Are you rea- Miss Wood?" The woman gathered her composure and gave Alice a forced smile. "C-can I help you with something?" she asked, cutting her eyes towards Remus.

Alice shifted on her place and let out a nervous laugh. "I just...um, the other girls and I...we needed some..." The girl held out her hand waved it, hoping that the woman would catch on.

"Oh! Right," the Nurse said with a smirk. She dashed off and was back with a brown paper bag for Alice in a matter of moments.

Alice smiled and looked up at Remus expectantly. "Well, are you going to ask?"

"Ask what?" Remus raised his eyebrows in confusion, unsure of what the girl was wanting from him.

"Remus has a headache," Alice answered, turning her attention to the Nurse.

"Right," Remus snapped. "A headache. I have a...headache...need a potion." He looked up at Madame Pomfrey and gave her an awkward smile.

The woman nodded in understanding. "Alright then, I'll get Mister Lupin a potion, you head on back to your common room before curfew, Miss Wood."

"I'll wait," Alice chimed, giving Remus a cute smile.

From behind the blonde, Madame Pomfrey held up her wrist and tapped on her watch. She raised her eyebrows at Remus and stepped into her office.

"You don't have to wait. Go on back and I'll see you later." Remus looked up at Alice and gave her the most innocent smile he could manage.

"I wanna walk with you," Alice argued. "The common room can wait until we're together."

"That's just it though," Remus began, trying to think on the fly. "I'm...not going back to the common room right away. I need to go to the library," he said slowly. "No telling how long it'll take me to find what I need."

"Then I'll go with you. Two sets of eyes work faster anyways. Then we can get back sooner." Alice flashed a smile and laced her fingers into Remus'. "You're starting to sound like you wanna get rid of me," she said with a laugh. Her amused features faded away as Remus refused to share in her laughter or object to her words. "You are trying to get rid of me!"

Remus dropped his eyes to the floor and rubbed at his face. "Alice, could you just go please? I'll see you in the morning."

"Morning? Remus, why do you want me to leave?" Alice took a step back away from the boy and stared at him with fire in her eyes. "I knew it, you're sick. You are, aren't you? Remus, just talk to me! Tell me what's wrong with you!"

Remus looked down at his watch and grimaced. He didn't have time to play games with Alice, he had to get outside and into the shack before the moon got too high. His temper was getting on edge from the anticipation of the change. "Look, for the _last_ time, I am not sick," the boy snapped, narrowing his eyes at Alice. "I _am_ sick of telling you to stop asking that. Now get out of here."

Alice let out a sharp cry of surprise at the tone in which Remus had just used with her. "No! Remus Lupin, you tell me what the hell is wrong with you, right now. Tell me or...or...we're through!"

Remus looked up into the blonde's watery eyes. "You don't mean that," he whispered coldly.

"Yes I do." Alice stamped her foot and held firm. "You tell me or I'm gone."

Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He dug his fingers into the edge of the bed and huffed in frustration. "Fine," he answered in a whisper. "I guess we're through then."

Alice let out a ragged breath and didn't bother to hold back her tears. She covered her mouth and turned on her heel before tearing out of the Hospital Wing.

* * *

A full week passed before Remus saw Alice again. She had been taking great care to not cross the boy's path, even forcing herself to be late for Charms on three occasions as her class directly followed Remus'. It was a Thursday when Remus stepped out of Potions to find Alice waiting for him. The girl grabbed onto his arm and led him aside to the wall.

"Can we talk for a minute?" Alice asked, throwing a glance back towards the other three Marauders who were now lingering in wait for their fourth.

Remus gave a hesitant nod before waving at the other boys. "I'll see you guys later, okay?" He waited as James, Peter and Sirius took their sweet time getting out of sight before turning his attention back to Alice. "What?"

"I'm sorry about what happened. I was upset and I said something really stupid. This week has been killing me and I want to make it okay." Alice tried to meet the boy's eyes and frowned as he avoided it. "I wanna take it back. What I said. Can I take it back?"

"Why bother? It'll just keep happening." Remus shifted his bag higher on his shoulder and stared off down the hallway.

"No it won't, I promise. I can wait until you're ready. I can wait until you trust me enough to tell me whatever it is that's going on." Alice reached up and put her hand on Remus' cheek. "I love you."

Remus immediately pulled the girl's hand away from his face. "It isn't a matter of waiting, Alice. This isn't about trust or waiting." He took a step away from the girl only to have his path cut off.

"Remus, don't. I think we have a really good thing going here. I'm so happy when I'm with you and you're happy too, I can tell. Don't you like me?" Alice laid her hands on the boy's chest and stared into his eyes.

"Of course I like you. I wouldn't have stayed with you if I didn't. You're smart and beautiful and hilarious and... I _do_ have fun with you."

"But," Alice prompted.

"But nothing." Remus put his hands up and shook his head. "I like you a lot."

"But...you don't love me." Alice took a small step backwards, her own words clearly sinking in.

"I wish I did," Remus whispered. He leaned back against the wall and folded his arms across his chest. "I've tried, but...I'm not there. I don't feel it."

"Could you ever?"

Remus bit his bottom lip and shrugged.

Alice nodded slowly and laid her hand on the boy's folded arms. "I can chance it...if..." She took a deep breath and stared at the floor while she considered her words. "I can be with you if you can tell me one thing."

"What? What do you wanna hear?" Remus asked, letting his arms drop.

Alice looked up into Remus light blue eyes and took another deep breath. "I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me... I need you to tell me that you don't...that you don't love _him_ either."

Remus' entire body ran cold and rigid. His first instinct was to ask Alice who she meant, but he knew that to be foolish. Playing stupid was something Alice could see through in an instant. He tightened his jaw and looked back into Alice's eyes. He opened his mouth and silence came out. He wasn't even sure how long he stood in that position before he finally dropped his gaze and whispered, "I can't tell you that."

Alice pulled her hands back through her dirty blonde curls and took a few steps back from Remus. "I knew it," she whispered. "I've been deluding myself and acting like a complete idiot. I-I shoulda trusted my feelings and walked away when I first th- I'm sorry." She wiped her fingers across the bottom of her eyes to pull away the tears and shook her head. "I'm sorry that I can't be him."

Remus didn't look up from the floor until the sound of Alice's footsteps were long past faded. He tipped his head back against the wall and slid to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest. He watched in silence as the halls emptied of students heading into their classrooms. The urge to go to class was nowhere inside of the boy as he stayed seated on the floor. He put his face down against his knees and let the conversation with Alice run over in his mind repeatedly.

He wasn't sure what was worse at the moment; having told Alice how he felt or having finally told himself. He knew Alice well enough to be certain that she wouldn't tell anyone. The ironic part of everything was that he did trust her; just not enough. The sound of approaching footsteps made Remus curl in on himself in a rather feeble effort to be unseen by whoever was coming his way. A hand swept through the boy's hair and he looked up to find Sirius squatted in front of him.

"When you didn't turn up in class, I got kinda worried." Sirius stood up and held his hand out to Remus to help him from the floor. "You wanna go get some ice cream?"

Remus snorted a laugh and rolled his eyes. "Ice cream for a break up? Padfoot, I'm not a chick." He let the boy help him up and straightened out his robes.

"I know you aren't," Sirius laughed, pulling the boy's bag from his shoulder and taking it onto his own. "So that means you don't want any ice cream then?"

"Hey, I never said that," Remus argued with a laugh.

* * *

**A Note From the Author: Thanks for reading! Would love to hear what you thought of the chapter. :D –Jenna**

**Rejects readers: I'm working on it. Promise. Writer's block + person issues = very late new chapter.**


	8. You Know I Never Wanna Hurt You

**Chapter 8: You Know I Never Wanna Hurt You**

**.**

Sirius quietly pushed open the door to his room and peeked inside. He knew that Remus had come up and wasn't sure if the boy was resting or not. A relieved smile crossed his face as he spotted the other boy sitting in the middle of his bed, cross legged, his Transfigurations text book open in his lap. Sirius bounded across the room and climbed up onto the bed, sitting mirror imaged in front of Remus. When the other boy made no indication of having seen anyone join him, Sirius waited.

After about fifteen minutes of watching Remus read in silence, Sirius finally spoke. "Moony?"

Remus calmly marked his page and slid the book off of his lap. "I was wondering how long you were going to sit there like that."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Sirius asked with a laugh. When Remus merely shrugged, Sirius continued. "Why are you up here?"

"Too noisy downstairs."

"Are you sure that it doesn't have anything to do with Alice and William?"

Remus rolled his eyes and snorted. "I'm sure."

"Alright." Sirius stared down at his hands; the room returned to silence. When Remus reached for his book, Sirius slapped the boy's hand away form it. "Don't pick it up...just wait. I need to talk to you."

"Then talk," Remus said, confused as to the other boy's awkwardness.

"I wanna talk about what happened with Alice."

"I'd rather not," Remus scoffed. "You never liked her anyways, so don't sit there and try to tell me that you're sorry she ditched me."

"I wasn't going to." Sirius stared down at his fingernails and cleaned the dirt from under them. "I was going to tell you that...I'm sorry I was a total jerk when you were together. I know it had a lot to do with what happened."

"You're forgiven, and no, it was me. My problems drove her off, not you."

"Well...I also wanted to tell you _why_ I was such a jerk." Sirius scooted to the end of the bed and let his feet hang off the edge. He stared down at the carpet, not continuing.

Remus raised his eyebrows and smirked. "Go on, then."

Sirius nodded and forced a cough into his hand. "Well, James has this theory. At first, I thought he was kinda putting me on and being a goof, buy then I really started thinking about it..." He took a deep breath and turned to face Remus. "I started thinking that maybe it makes a lot of sense. A whole lot of sense, actually and um...well now...I'm pretty certain he was right." He stared at Remus, waiting for a response.

Remus stared back at Sirius, unblinking. He took slow breaths, waiting for more clarification. After a very long, and very tense silence, he finally spoke up. "Sirius, you have to tell me James' theory if you want any sort of reaction from me."

Sirius' eyes widened and he grinned sheepishly. "Yeah," he laughed. "I guess that would help." He looked back down at his hands.

Another long silence had Remus on edge. He scooted to the edge of the bed next to Sirius and shoved the boy's shoulder. "Sirius, the theory. Would you get on with it, already?"

"Okay, okay. So...I'm fairly sure that the reason I hated Alice so much was because..." He took a long, slow breath and looked up at Remus. "It's because when I saw her with you...it made me jealous." He looked back to the floor and bit his bottom lip.

"Why?" Remus whispered.

"I have these feelings," Sirius started. "They aren't...they aren't feelings that I'm used to. I think that I'm...well I mean, when I see you...I want-I want to be..." He let out a frustrated growl and grabbed at his hair. "Just forget it!" he cried out as he jumped to his feet and started for the door.

Remus sprang to his feet and caught Sirius by the arm. He spun the boy around to face him and looked down hard into his grey eyes. "Damn it, Sirius, I've waited three years to hear you say something like that, you can't just leave it hanging. Please finish."

Sirius swallowed hard and stared up into Remus' eyes. He reached up and laid his hand on the boy's cheek and leaned forward. Remus let out a small whine and took a step back from Sirius' reach.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked, advancing on the other boy.

"Protecting myself," Remus answered as he stepped back again.

"Protecting yourself from what?"

"From you," Remus whispered, giving the other boy a troubled look.

"Remus, you confusing prat!" Sirius called out, slapping his hands against his legs. "You just said that you've waited three years for me to tell you how I feel and now...now you're running away form me!" He took another step and grabbed onto Remus' arm to keep the boy in place.

"You didn't though," Remus argued. "You didn't tell me how you feel. Sirius...are you in love with me?"

"I just tried to kiss you, didn't I?" Sirius retorted with an exasperated tone.

"You've kissed a lot of people," Remus argued as he pulled free from Sirius' hand. He moved back to his own bed and dropped down onto the edge of it. "How do you feel about me?"

"I can't answer that right now!" Sirius cried out. "My head is spinning like mad here and I'm so confused I can barely think straight."

"I can wait," Remus whispered as he twisted his hands in front of him.

"You can wait?" Sirius growled. "Wait for what exactly?"

"I can wait for you to _not_ be confused. I've waited this long and I can wait until you know for sure. I can wait until you have an answer." Remus scooted back into his spot on the bed and pulled his book back up onto his lap, seeking out the distraction.

"So that's it?" Sirius scoffed, his face twisted in annoyance.

"That's it."

"It's all or nothing for you? It has to be _love_...or nothing?"

"I wouldn't call what we have now _nothing_, but if that's how you wanna see it, then yes. It's love or nothing." Remus cracked open his book and kept his eyes focused down, fearing he'd be too weak to hold to his conviction if he looked at the other boy.

Sirius walked over and knocked the book from Remus' lap. "You...you...stubborn werewolf!" he growled before turning on his heel and storming out of the room. Remus flinched at the slamming door.

* * *

That night, Sirius lay flat on his bed, starting up at the crimson curtains which hung over the posters. He'd force his eyes closed, trying to make sleep come. No amount of counting sheep could guide his troubled mind into a peaceful slumber.

"Sirius," came Remus' whisper.

Sirius jumped out of bed and rushed over to Remus' side before he realized that the boy was awake and he hadn't been hearing a nightmare cry.

"That was really fast," Remus whispered with a grin on his face as he looked up at the other boy from his pillow.

Sirius smiled and lowered himself onto the edge of Remus' bed. The fact that he was angry with the other boy hit him fast and he jumped back to his feet with a scowl on his face. "What do you want? I was sleeping."

"No you weren't," Remus said casually as he sat up and leaned back against the headboard.

"You don't know that," Sirius snapped.

"You don't sleep on your back. You never have. I _do_ know that." Remus patted the bed in front of him and looked up at Sirius with hopeful eyes. "Can we talk a minute?" When the other boy consented to join him on the bed, Remus began. "I can't sleep when you're made at me."

"I'm not mad at you," Sirius whispered, twisting his hands in his lap. "Well, I am, but not for the reason you think. I guess...I guess that I'm mad at myself. I just don't understand." He reached out and took Remus' hand into his own and locked his eyes with the other boy's.

Remus slipped his hand away and gave Sirius a pained smile. "I know that you don't. Sirius, you're one of my best mates and I don't wanna risk losing you. I would rather just be your friend...and go on having unrequited feelings for you, than lose you all together."

"You wouldn't lose me, though," Sirius insisted. He got onto his knees and scooted as close to Remus as he could get. "It wouldn't be like that. Not now that I know how you feel. Not now that I know how I feel."

"How do you feel?" Remus asked, raising his eyebrows.

Sirius tightened his jaw and stared down at his hands. "Okay, so I don't know _exactly_ how I feel, but...I know that I don't just wanna be friends with you."

"That's how I've felt for a long time," Remus whispered as he twisted his fingers into the hem of his night shirt.

"Then show me how you feel," Sirius begged as he leaned forward and touched Remus' cheek.

Remus reached out and pushed his hands against Sirius' chest, shoving the boy into the floor.

Sirius groaned loudly and rubbed at his hip when he hit the floor. He stared up at Remus and narrowed his eyes. "Jerk," he growled as he climbed back onto the bed and sat on the edge. "I tell you to show me how you feel and you shove me in the floor?"

James rolled over and let out a heavy snore, reminding the boys that they should be whispering.

"I'm sorry," Remus whispered. "I shouldn't have pushed you, but I already told you that there isn't a halfway here. I can't settle for a maybe."

"You're being really unfair right now," Sirius pouted as he looked away from the boy.

"Unfair? I'm being unfair?" Remus scoffed loudly and shook his head. "Why don't you spend three years getting mixed signals from your mate and then you can tell me who's being unfair." He folded his arms over his chest and stared at the bed.

"Mixed signals? I've never give you mixed signals," Sirius hissed.

Remus looked up and stared at the other boy in shock. "You're kidding, right?" When Sirius showed no signs of jest, Remus growled. "Fine, I'll remind you then. How about the way you're always touching my hair or putting your arm around me." He dragged one hand back through his hair and frowned. "Or the way that you tell me about your dates and wink at me. You're always so..." He couldn't even bring himself to finish.

"That's just the way I am," Sirius whispered. He closed his eyes and ducked his head.

"That isn't the way you are with James. When was the last time that you put your arm around him, huh? When was the last time you put your hands in Peter's hair?"

"Okay, I get it." Sirius scooted further onto the bed. "That should show you then, even before I knew it, I had feelings for you. You know that I'm no good at this emotional stuff."

"Yeah, I know you aren't. But I can't do half way. I won't give up what we have unless it's real."

"Moony, what do you want from me?"

"Say that you love me."

"I can't." Sirius shook his head and rubbed at his eyes. He got to his feet and turned towards Remus. "I'm sorry." He started towards his bed and took a seat on the edge of it. "Do you?" he asked, quietly. "Do you love me?"

Remus settled back onto his pillow and looked across at Sirius. "Yeah, I do."

"Good night, Moony," Sirius whispered as he laid down on his pillow and covered his face.

"Good night, Padfoot."

* * *

**A Note From the Author: Thanks for reading! One chapter to go! :D –Jenna**


	9. Why We Gotta Fall for it Now

**Chapter 9: Why We Gotta Fall for it Now**

**.**

James and Peter didn't always know when to take a hint, but this morning they did. The two hurried off to breakfast early, allowing Remus and Sirius some privacy. Remus, not exactly feeling ready for privacy, made his way towards the door to join the others for breakfast. Sirius grabbed a hold of the boy's wrist and pulled him to a stop, making his bag fall to the floor.

"Why are you being so stubborn about this?"

"I'm just protecting myself," Remus answered, pulling his hand free of the boy's grip.

"Why do you think you need protection from me?" The pain showed in Sirius' eyes.

"I don't think, I _know_ that I need protection. Sirius...these feelings, they're new to you, but I've had a lot of time to deal with them. We're so close and if we jump into something else, something more, then there's no going back to this." Remus took a deep breath and stared at the floor. "I don't wanna lose you as my friend just to be some...cheap, wild, whim of a fling."

"You wouldn't be," Sirius insisted. He wanted to feel hurt at Remus' accusation, but he understood exactly why the boy would think such a thing. "It isn't like that."

"Then prove it," Remus offered simply.

"I can't!" Sirius rubbed at his eyes and grumbled under his breath. "I can't just say what you want me to. I can't do it."

"Why?"

"I...I don't know." Sirius shook his head and sighed in distress. "I want to but... Maybe I'm just broken."

"You aren't broken," Remus snapped. "Sirius, you've been through hell, twice over, and you are far from broken. You just...you don't know how to love someone. You don't how to be loved."

Sirius' grey eyes locked onto the blue of Remus'. "I'm just afraid that if I say it, then later, if I screw up... I don't wanna hurt you."

"Really?" Remus asked, his tone light and slightly cold. "I think you're afraid I'm going to hurt you. You're afraid that if you leave yourself vulnerable like that, something awful's going to happen."

Sirius took a seat on the edge of his bed and scooted his toe across the carpet. He stared at the off colored line his foot had left, the silence raging on.

"I'm not missing class," Remus muttered finally as he pulled his bag up onto his shoulder. "It's too close to finals," he added as he headed out of the room.

Sirius opened his mouth to say something, anything, to keep Remus from walking out; the boy was simply too fast and Sirius had nothing worth saying anyways. He laid back on his bed and growled into his pillow, his hands twisting into his hair to pull at it roughly.

"Get your ass up," Remus ordered, stepping back into the room. "You aren't missing class either. Get your bag."

Sirius smirked and got to his feet. He grabbed up his bag and threw it onto his shoulder, then followed Remus out of the room to catch the last of breakfast before Transfiguration class.

* * *

"Hey! Where are you going?" James asked, narrowing his eyes at Remus as they filed out their last class. "Aren't you coming to the kitchens with us?" He thumbed down the hall in the opposite direction Remus was turned.

"I'm meeting my study group in the library," Remus answered. "You guys can come along if you want." The look on James, Sirius and Peter's faces was more than obvious; they would _not_ be attending any sort of study group in any place when they could go to the kitchen instead. Remus sniggered at the reaction and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I'll see you guys later," he laughed out before heading off for the library.

Sirius watched as the other boy walked away and kept his head down until the three remaining Marauders reached the kitchens. They made their way through the torrent of House Elves, all eager to offer up goodies at the sight of the boys.

"So, mate, you forgot to come crawling on your knees, telling me how right I was," James said with a smug grin as he hopped up onto an unused counter in the back corner of the kitchen.

Sirius barked out a laugh and joined his friend on the counter. "I'm not crawling around, but...you were right," he conceded.

"So what's the deal then?" James continued. "I thought by now you two would be an item or something. You've barely talked to the guy all day."

"Technically, Remus isn't talking to him, either," Peter threw out as he settled onto a near-by stool. "You can't put it all on Sirius."

James raised his eyebrows and cocked his head. It was odd how Peter always seemed to know what was going on, despite no one having actually shared with him. James was in no mood to point out Peter's nosing skills and instead, turned back to Sirius for his answer.

"We would be," Sirius muttered as he took a handful of cookies from one of the Elves. "He's being all...stubborn. He wants me to say the _L_ word first. I tried to talk him out of it, but you know how damn persistent he is."

"So tell him you love him," James laughed. He stuffed an entire chocolate chip cookie into his mouth and spoke over the obstruction. "What's the big deal?"

"That _is_ the big deal. I can't just say that I love him. I can't do it. I tried and I can't. He's got it in his head that I'm just afraid of getting hurt or something. A bunch of hooey." Sirius scoffed down a cookie and frowned at the floor. "Ridiculous, right?" he prompted, glancing up at James.

James was quick to shove another cookie into his mouth and signaled over an Elf to order up some drinks.

"You agree with him!" Sirius growled, shoving his fist into James' shoulder.

"I didn't say anything!" James defended, crumbs littering his lap as he spoke over the sweet.

"Exactly." Sirius folded his arms and assumed the most child-like pout he could muster.

Peter scoffed loudly and looked between the other two boys. "You two sound like a couple of girls," he sighed, rolling his eyes. "Thank you," he added to an Elf as she brought him a glass of milk.

Sirius laughed and shook his head. "You're right, you're right. No more feelings junk."

"Yeah," James agreed, also laughing. "I mean, we should feel bad for Remus right now. He's probably having to sit there and listen to a bunch of feelings junk right now."

"Huh?" Sirius stopped in mid bite and raised a single eyebrow at James.

"From Alice."

"Why would Remus be talking to her?"

"Well, she just broke it off with that William bloke." James sighed when Sirius continued to stare at him with confused eyes. "Alice is in Remus' study group."

Sirius stared down at the half finished cookie in his hands and took a slow bite out of it. He kicked the back of his feet against the counter and dropped what remained of the sweet down onto the space beside him. "I'll see you guys later," he mumbled as he jumped from his spot.

Sirius headed down the hallway and towards the library. He paced in front of the doors, his hands twisting in front of him, intending to wait for Remus to come out. It didn't take long for impatience to get the better of the boy and make him pull open the doors. His eyes found Remus the moment he stepped into the room.

Remus was sitting at a table with about six other people. He looked up with an amazed smile on his face as Sirius approached. "You're gonna join us?"

Sirius shook his head and stared at the ground.

"Then what are you doing here?" Remus asked, putting down his quill.

Sirius shifted on the spot and gave a small shrug, his eyes never leaving the ground. He took a deep breath and closed off his mind to the people around him. He tried not to care that was a table full of studying students now staring at him with wide eyed wonder. He ignored the annoyed look on the librarian's face. His lips curled up into a tiny grin and he whispered, "I'm telling you that I love you."

Remus' eyes widened and he let out a nervous laugh. "What?"

It almost seemed quieter in the library now, if that was even possible. Sirius felt as though every eye was focused on him. "I said I love you," Sirius repeated, this time rather loud. He didn't care that the librarian was now charging across the room, headed straight for him. "I love you, damn it."

Remus gave a bashful smile and got out of his seat. He bit down on his bottom lip and put his arms around Sirius' neck, pulling the boy into a hug. In a matter of seconds, the librarian had her hands on the boys, shoving them towards the doors, muttering about _public_ _displays_ and _take_ _it_ _in_ _the_ _hall_, then shoved them right of the library doors.

"Okay, okay, we're out, stop pushing," Sirius laughed as the woman snorted and whisked back into the library. He felt Remus take his hand and gave it a squeeze in return. "I said it," he boasted, turning around to face the other boy. "I said it and I'll keep saying it too if I -"

Sirius' words were cut off as Remus' lips came crashing down onto his own. Remus' hand slipped behind the boy's neck while his other arm reached around Sirius' waist and pulled him closer. Sirius pushed his hands up Remus' chest and locked them around the boy's neck; one hand twisting its fingers into the other boy's shaggy brown locks.

Slowly, their lips moved together, each of them longing to savor the moment. The faint taste of cookie that laid on Sirius' tongue, the spiced aroma that still clung to Remus' robes from Potions class, the subtle way that Sirius' fingers began to trace over the scar that ran down the back of Remus' neck; all details they both planned on saving. They held each other closely and kissed until they were desperate for air; then pushed further, denying their lungs what they craved. Teeth grazed over lips and tongues, the tiniest trace of blood soon laced their kiss.

Desperate for air, Sirius pulled away with a gasping laugh. "Wow," he whispered, touching his bottom lip with a dazed look on his face. "Can we...can we get out of the hall now?" he asked with a huge grin.

Remus nodded sheepishly and pointed towards the library. "I just need to get my stuff." He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth and grinned. "Cookies?"

"I'll get your stuff," Sirius whispered, the smallest amount of pink topping his cheeks. He passed one hand through his hair and bolted into the library. He felt his heart race as he collected Remus' things and lifted his bag up onto his shoulder. His eyes moved around to each face in Remus' study group. None of them were Alice.

With a huge smirk on his lips, Sirius held his head high and walked back out of the library. He threw his arm around Remus' waist and handed the boy his bag. "Remind me to thank James later, will you?"

"Okay," Remus answered. "Why are you thanking him exactly?"

"I just wanna tell him that he's a dirty, sneaking little liar and I owe him everything for it." Sirius dropped his arm and laced his fingers with Remus'.

"That doesn't make a bit of sense, Padfoot." Remus gave a quiet laugh and squeezed the other boy's hand.

Sirius stopped and pulled Remus back into his arms. He put his hand on the side of the boy's neck and brought him towards him for another kiss. "It makes sense to me," he whispered against Remus' mouth.

"You know, we can't go back now." Remus stared down into Sirius' eyes and smiled.

Sirius stared back up and gave a playful wink. "I wouldn't want to."

**THE END**

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**A Note From the Author: Thank you so much for reading! That's the end of this short little diddy. I would love to hear what you thought about it all! :D –Jenna**

"**Can't go back now." – Jordin Sparks **


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